This term we have been looking at ways to make our writing more interesting for the reader.
We have used the folllowing criteria to guide us:
- Changing the word order of a sentence
- Using literary devices such as metaphor, simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia and personification
- Using specific verbs and adjectives
- Using show, don’t tell techniques
- Using different sentence beginnings and lengths
Here are some examples of my writing this term.
Show don’t tell- Emotions
Shocked: I was finally done in the bathroom, I gave my hair one last stroke and checked myself out in the mirror. I smoothed down my pyjama’s that had just come out of the dryer all fresh and warm. I pictured my warm bed with the electric blanket on with my crisp freshly washed sheets that smell like the flowers in spring. Finally I decided to leave the bathroom. At that moment my Brother was hiding behind the door and jumped out from behind wearing a freaky mask. He screamed at the top of his lungd ‘’BOO!!’’ I was petrified, I screamed and hurried to my room, My Parents yelled at him to get back into bed. I snorted a giggle then closed my eyes.
Embarassment: My hands were up to my mouth with my fingers locked into place with eachother. My heart was pumping, Mr Campbell picking up gotcha after gotcha, it was down to three gotcha’s left. It was so nerve-racking finally he called out ‘’Ava!’’. I sprang up bouncing in the air as I strode across to claim my beloved prize, Although I didn’t hear the class number he read out. He pauses, then looks at me ‘’Um I said Ava from room 4 sorry Ava’’ then the real winner came to claim her prize. Embarassed I walked back to my seat my face flushed red and sweat creeping into my hands. I sat nervously on my chair and just wanted the world to swallow me up so that I would be banished from this Earth. Oh well I will always have another chance to win something.
Nervous: It was my turn to read out my speech, I came up to the microphone and gave a dry cough, I changed the height of the microphone and then began. Everyone was watching me, probably babbling onto their friends about everything I was doing wrong, all the words were spilling off my page into the microphone. My knees were knocking together, my voice was shaky and my hands were shaking violently, finally there was applause and it was over, I had done it, I shuffled to the back of the line proudly and took a breath. That was easy I thought.
Writing to Music
The Dwarf.
The Dwarf wobbled from side to side going up the mountain, his head jiggling from left to right, his bulging stomach hanging over his pants. Picking up the pace, he could hear the Mountain King’s booming voice when he had only made it halfway. The more worried the puny Dwarf became the more scared he became, ‘’Could I be executed?, or beheaded?, or even worse the King kill me himself, how humiliating!’’. The Dwarf’s little pudgy body had to take a rest. He couldn’t go any further he was too puffed and tired, it wouldn’t hurt would it?. The Dwarf stopped to take a rest and lay down on a giant boulder, His eyes slowly closed, drifting in and out of napping and then finally he fell asleep. The King’s voice sent vibrations through his body, but yet the poor little Dwarf didn’t wake up, The King demanded his guards to go and look for the Dwarf, The Guards all rushed down the mountain, their feet hitting and stomping the ground in a rhythmic pattern, spears armed on all of them. Finally one Guard spotted the Dwarf, he got up quickly to try to escape, but before he could move the Guard grabbed his arms and tied them behind his back. He was marched up the mountain and waiting for him was the Mountain King himself!. A stab of fear went through his body and chills ran up his spine. What’s gonna happen to me? he thought to himself. The Dwarf tried to get free and escape. Suspense was killing him, He then got marched very slowly towards the dreadful castle waiting for his fate.
The Boy
The gates slammed behind him, groaning in agony. A look swept over his face and moisture welled in his eyes and his sweaty hands were fidgeting in his pockets. Cracks were splitting open the gray concrete letting weed and moss grow in between. He let his feet drag across the ground scraping up the soles of his shoes, the sun was beating down on him, creating a dark shadow that was following him under his footsteps. A stone rolled under his shoe and he kicked it as far as he could, stumbling at his own strength. Leaning against a tree he slid down the back and fell to his knees, all crumpled together like when clothes come out of a washing machine. ‘’Mum is going to be so ANGRY with me!’’ he screamed at himself. He suddenly shot up from the ground and started walking, slowly turning the corner and picking up the pace, the Boy spotted a teacher looking for him, he dived into the bush, his face going as red a tomato, too embarassed to even look at her. Finally he made it home, he went straight to his room and slammed the door behind him. ‘’I’m never going back to school!’’ as he threw his favourite action figure across the room. Once his Mum got home she tried to ask him what was wrong but every time he replied it was always the same ‘’MUM! I AM NEVER GOING BACK TO MY SCHOOL!, I SHALL STAY UNDER MY DUVET COVERS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!’’ and which she replied was ‘’Well we are having your favourite dessert tonight! Chocolate brownie’’ The boy sighed and carried on sulking ‘’Fine I’ll go to school tomorrow then’’ he heaved air in and then out and sighed the longest sigh of eternity.
Viking Girl
Anna
Her eyes were dark, like fire burning wildly in her pupils, dark purple and blue bags underneath her eyes. Her eyebrows were pointing downwards forming a crease between her eyebrows, she still had her marmite sandwich smothered all over her face, she had her head tilted downwards slightly, pouting her lips together so tightly they were turning a bright red, down below under her long sleeves her fists were clenched tight, knuckles turning white her thumb crossing over her index fingers, She was storming around the room in the same direction back and forth, back and forth she didn’t stop, she still had the same look on her face not changing her facial expressions. She was mumbling words under her breath complaining about everything in the world, blabbering on about how annoying her family is, She was thinking about how she wanted to move houses, get a new family, and run away but really she was never going to do that she was just telling herself she was going to do something she wasn’t. She felt like the floor was swallowing her up chewing and crushing her bones will she feel this way forever?
By Ava
